Bakura Robs a Pet Store
by Spotty1006
Summary: Bakura sets off to rob a pet store, and all chaos breaks loose.


**Woot! Summer cleaning is so much fun!  
>...Excuse me while I act all crazy about how much fun it is to tear down 100+ year old wallpaper (I'm not kidding. It's time consuming, but hey, it's fuuuun.)<br>So yeah, if you read Mistletoe and you were like 'Wow, this is kinda dumb' then fear not! This is more of a humor fic, not a romance fic, and I've written many many humor stories, so you'll probably enjoy this. I'd rather laugh than read romance anyway.  
>Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH.<br>Warning: You should know who Ryou and Bakura are. Malik (I think he's mentioned) is YAMI MARIK, not Marik. This story HINTS at Deathshipping simply because I could. Hikari is based off of a character from a different series (actually, he is a character from a different series, but shhh!). This story was inspired by several things, including real life. This is rated T for Bakura's language, most of which is censored because I censor language. And if at any point you think I've dived off the deep end, don't worry, not only can I not swim, but it'll make sense later on.**

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><p>Bakura walked into a pet store. He hated pets. He hated them with every fiber of his being. They were stupid, pointless, and annoying. Why did people have pets anyway?<p>

No, Bakura wasn't there to buy anything. He was there to rob a pet store. Why? He was bored.

However, his boredom was about to disappear.

As soon as Bakura walked into the pet store, a cat jumped on him and attempted to claw his face off while yowling its head off.

"What's with you, cat?" Bakura asked, annoyed. He tried to get teh cat to stop attacking his face, but the cat refused to get off of him. "Get off of me!" The cat hissed at him. "Stupid cat."

"Alright, Hikari, you can stop."

The cat immediately jumped off of Bakura. Now that the cat wasn't trying to murder him, he could see that the cat had orange fur and green eyes that were giving him evil looks.

A girl with green hair (Bakura found this color to be a stupid hair color, but crazy people will be crazy) walked over to the cat and picked him up. The cat looked neither please nor angry at being held. It didn't seem to care about anything except murdering Bakura's face.

"I see Hikari marked you as his next victim," the girl commented. "Everyone asks, so I'll just tell you right now. My name's Yoshiko, I'm in charge of preventing thievery, and my hair's only green because chlorine is stupid. Nice to meet you. Why are you here?"

"Um...to buy cat food?" Bakura asked. It was a lame excuse, but it was all he could come up with.

"Liar!" Yoshiko accused. "If you were a cat person, Hikari wouldn't have attacked you. Get him, guys!"

Four random security guards appeared out of nowhere and sprayed Bakura with a mysterious liquid. Bakura felt himself grow much shorter, and he looked down to see white fur appearing all over him. _What's happening to me?_ he wondered.

"I'd recommend you get out of here now, before she kidnaps you," Hikari advised.

Bakura took the cat's advice and ran. He ran without stopping for about five minutes until he finally stopped.

"Did that cat just talk to me?" Bakura asked, now realizing what had just happened. He saw a puddle nearby and looked into it. "I'm a $%&*%$ cat?" His eyes widened, and he smacked himself in the face with his paw to make sure he wasn't dreaming. "Ryou better know how to bloody fix this."

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><p>Bakura sat in front of the door to the apartment he and Ryou shared. (It wasn't the greatest place, but hey, it's a place.) Bakura scratched the door, trying to make as much noise as he possibly could so that eventually Ryou would hear him and open the door. Soon, he found his efforts had been wasted as he saw Ryou walking down the hall towards their apartment.<p>

"It's about time you got here," Bakura commented. "What were you doing, hanging out with your boyfriend?"

"Maybe I was," Ryou replied before noticing exactly what he was talking to. "Oh, hello there, talking kitty! Are you looking for a new home? You should probably try somewhere else, Bakura hates cats-"

"It's ME, idiot!" Bakura snapped. "If you don't figure out how to change me back, I'll #$%&#$ MURDER you! And once you're dead, I'll kill you some more!"

"Bakura?" Ryou seemed to recognize Bakura now. "Alright, what did you do this time?" he asked with a sigh.

"Let me in, and I'll explain everything. I'm starving."

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><p>And somehow this lead to Bakura and Ryou going on a pointless walk.<p>

When Ryou and Bakura went inside, Bakura told Ryou the whole story while drinking from a bowl of milk. (Anyone that tells anyone will be killed by Bakura.) After Bakura told Ryou what happened, Ryou said he had no idea how to fix this, but he'd come up with something eventually. After that, Bakura begged Ryou to take him out for a walk (anyone who tells anyone that will also be killed), even though he had no idea why he wanted to go on a walk so badly. So Ryou somehow found a collar and a leash, and on a walk they went.

And that's how Bakura found himself on a leash, walking around with Ryou for the simple reason of 'because I can'.

"Excuse me, do you know what time it is?" a random person asked Ryou.

"Yes, it's..." Ryou trailed off as he stared at the watch that he had for some reason or another.

"Is something wrong?" the person asked.

"Oh, no. I'm sorry about that. It's 3 PM," Ryou told the person, smiling like he ALWAYS DID. It bothered Bakura to no end.

"Thanks. That's a cute cat you have. What's her name?" the person asked.

_Her?.!_ If Bakura wasn't on a bloody leash...

"Florence," Ryou told the person.

_FLORENCE?.!.?_ Again, if Bakura wasn't on a bloody leash...

"Well, I have to get going. I'm late for my...um...haircut." The person smiled and left.

Ryou smiled at the person, then gave Bakura an evil glare, which coming from Ryou was kind of strange. And creepy. "I wonder why my watch is on military time. I hate military time. What do you think happened?"

Bakura rolled his eyes. "I did that two days ago. Geez, you're oblivious."

"I don't stare at my watch all the time."

"That's too bad. Oh, and excuse me, but Florence? Why the #$%'s my name Florence now?"

Ryou shrugged. "It came to mind."

"Whatever. I want to go home."

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><p>Bakura waited impatiently. <em>Where the &amp;%$ are you, Ryou?<em> When he woke up, his stupid twin brother wasn't there. He'd been gone for hours now, and Bakura was bored, restless, and hungry.

Just as he was thinking this for the eighty-ninth time, Ryou walked into the apartment.

"Where the $#% were you?" Bakura immediately demanded. "I've been bored and starving for hours! Did you at least figure out how to change me back?"

Ryou gave him a blank stare. "I was supposed to be figuring out how to change you back?"

Bakura sighed. "Where were you?"

"Visiting Marik."

"You mean Malik," Bakura corrected him.

Ryou blushed. "Y-yeah..."

"You've told him that if anything happens to you I'll kill him, right?"

"I don't need to. You've told him over fifty times." Ryou sat down on the couch. "You don't need to remind him every time you see him, you know."

Bakura jumped onto the couch next to him. "Yes, I do."

Ryou scratched Bakura between the ears.

"Don't do that," Bakura growled.

"I can't help it. You're cute as a cat." Ryou continued to scratch him between the ears. A purr unwillingly made its way into Bakura's throat, causing Ryou to smirk at him.

"Tell anyone and you're dead," Bakura told him. Then he saluted Ryou and jumped onto a cruise ship.

"Excuse me, sir, but we'll need all the Cheerios in your pockets for you to enter," a security guard told him.

"I don't have Cheerios. Or pockets," Bakura informed him. The security guard threw him off the helicopter. Bakura released his parachute and floated safely to the ground. Now Bakura was in the middle of Rainbow Land, where unicorns made pretty dresses for each other and lived on random rainbows.

"They're trying to steal me Lucky Charms!" a leprechaun shouted as he ran past Bakura and jumped over a rainbow.

"$#%*&$ leprechaun!" Bakura yelled. He started to chase the leprechaun, but Ryou appeared in front of him.

"Bakura, if you don't wake up now, I'll have to pour this cold water over your head."

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><p>"Bakura, if you don't wake up now, I'll have to pour this cold water over your head," Ryou informed his sleeping twin as he held a bucket full of cold water over his head.<p>

Ryou smiled with relief as Bakura woke up. Bakura looked around, his face looking more than a little loopy, and fixed his gaze on the window. "Wow, the sun is bright," he commented, amazed.

"I told you taking Nyquil was a bad idea," Ryou told him.

Bakura coughed sickly and glared at the window. "$#&%*# Nyquil."

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><p><strong>See? I'm not completely insane yet! This was all just a crazy dream that Bakura had. Although the part about Rainbow Land with the unicorns and pretty dresses makes me wonder...<br>Oh, and Marik is regular Marik, not Yami Marik. Forgot he was mentioned.  
>I think the leprechaun is starting to become a reoccurring joke...that's bad. At least cereal mascots are. I should stop that soon...<br>Believe it or not, the comment about the sun being bright was inspired by real life. Bakura turning into a cat was inspired by two people I believe, LibitheWolf (because Akefia...gr...) and the author of Drabbles: The Life of Yami Marik (I believe that's the right title), where there's a part where Bakura goes on a cat robbery and is attacked by a cat.  
>Cookie for a review? Please? <strong>


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